By Ariana Vincent, LMT, MTI, NCBTMB CE Provider
Five years ago, on Valentine’s Day, I received news that would forever change my understanding of pain management, palliative care, and the profound role therapeutic touch can play during life’s most challenging moments.
I was at the Apple Store when my friend Suzanne shared heartbreaking news about a mutual friend whom I’ll call “Douglas” to protect his privacy. On what should have been a routine birthday checkup, Douglas had been diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer.
I was stunned.
Just weeks earlier, he had climbed a 14,000-foot mountain in Colorado with friends from his men’s group. He appeared vibrant, strong, and healthy. The diagnosis seemed impossible. Douglas and his wife, “Victoria,” had been dear friends of mine for more than thirty years, and I immediately felt called to reach out.
Answering the Call
I contacted Victoria to see whether she would be open to a visit. She warmly welcomed me into their home, and later that day I arrived to spend time with them.
Douglas was resting in bed upstairs. I remember he was wearing a jewel-toned purple corduroy shirt that brought color to his pale complexion. Although he remained gracious and present, it was clear he was experiencing significant pain.
Victoria and I sat beside him, offering comfort in simple but meaningful ways. We held his hand, shared pieces of tangerine, encouraged him to stay hydrated, played music he enjoyed, and talked when conversation felt appropriate. At other times, we simply sat together in silence.
After Douglas drifted off to sleep, Victoria and I went downstairs to discuss his care and how I might best support them. She invited me to be part of Douglas’s journey through the dying process.
Members of Douglas’s men’s group had already organized a visitation schedule to ensure he was never alone and that Victoria had ongoing support. Inspired by their dedication, I cleared my schedule and made myself available whenever they needed me.
It was then that I began offering palliative care to one of the most remarkable individuals I have ever known while simultaneously supporting his devoted wife.
Understanding Palliative Care
Palliative care focuses on relieving suffering and improving quality of life for individuals facing serious illness. Whether an illness is curable, chronic, or life-threatening, palliative care addresses physical discomfort while also providing emotional, psychological, and spiritual support.
In Douglas’s case, we knew the cancer had progressed beyond the possibility of recovery. My role became centered on comfort, pain management, and compassionate presence.
I was deeply grateful for the advanced training I had received over the years, including studies in Compassionate Touch, Therapeutic Touch, Reiki, and Oncology Massage. Those specialized skills provided invaluable tools that allowed me to support Douglas during this sacred chapter of his life.
Creating a Professional Treatment Plan
Although Douglas was a close friend, I approached his care with the same professionalism I would offer any client.
I completed a thorough assessment, documented his condition, and obtained approval from his physicians to provide palliative massage and pain management therapies. With Victoria’s support, I developed a treatment plan tailored to Douglas’s changing needs.
Because pancreatic cancer can create significant pain and sensitivity, especially in the abdominal and lower back regions, I carefully avoided areas that could increase discomfort. Instead, I incorporated gentle modalities such as:
- Reiki
- Therapeutic Touch
- Reflexology
- Myofascial techniques
- Aromatherapy
- Hand and foot massage
- Face and scalp massage
- Oncology massage
Recognizing the complexity of Douglas’s condition, I also invited a trusted colleague with extensive training in oncology massage to join the care team. Together, we sought to provide the highest level of comfort possible.
The Importance of Presence
As Douglas’s condition progressed, the tumor continued to grow, increasing his pain levels and limiting the therapies that could be safely performed.
At this stage, much of my work shifted toward non-contact or low-contact approaches, including Reiki and Therapeutic Touch. These gentle modalities offered comfort without placing additional strain on his body.
Equally important was simply being present.
Family members, friends, and community members gathered around Douglas and Victoria, forming a circle of support filled with love, compassion, and respect. We balanced visits with quiet periods that allowed him to rest peacefully.
Victoria often expressed gratitude for the outpouring of support. Being part of that loving community remains one of the greatest honors of my life.
Hospice Care and a Sacred Goodbye
Eventually, Douglas entered hospice care.
The support network continued. Friends traveled from near and far to spend time with him and to comfort Victoria. My role remained focused on compassionate touch, pain management, and emotional support.
One evening, while a friend and I sat quietly by Douglas’s bedside at the hospice center, he peacefully took his final breath.
I was holding his hand when he passed.
It was one of the most tender and sacred moments I have ever witnessed.
Lessons from a Life Well Lived
At Douglas’s memorial service, Victoria released two white doves into the vast Texas sky. As they soared upward, there was hardly a dry eye in attendance.
The experience of supporting Douglas and Victoria through the dying process transformed me both personally and professionally. It reinforced my belief that massage therapy extends far beyond physical techniques. At its heart, it is about presence, compassion, connection, and the ability to ease suffering.
When I first began studying massage therapy years ago, I never imagined that the knowledge I gained would one day allow me to serve dear friends during one of life’s most profound transitions.
Yet that is precisely what happened.
The experience reminded me that therapeutic touch is not always about fixing or curing. Sometimes, the greatest gift we can offer is comfort, dignity, peace, and the reassurance that no one has to walk their journey alone.
For that lesson—and for the opportunity to accompany Douglas and Victoria during such a meaningful chapter of their lives—I will always be grateful.
